Kenny Wright, meet Maurice Mann. Maurice, Kenny. How ya doin'?
You will have to excuse your friends at the OBR for being more attuned to Pro Day reports than Texas police blotters, so we're a few hours late on this one.
Last night's fun news item was the apprehension of Browns CB Kenny Wright, who gets this year's William Green Off-Field Citizenship Award for Meritorious Weirdness in the Pursuit of the Slightly Illegal.
The news report caused cardiac infarctions across the Cleveland Browns populace as the headline "Browns CB Wright Arrested" showed up on desktops. This was followed slightly thereafter by relieved exhalations and the phrase "Oh, thank God. It's just Kenny".
Mr. Wright gets bonus points for the attached photograph, which we found on the AP wire. This photo best encapsulates the type of nightmares that cause NFL front office types and head coaches to snap their eyes open in a cold sweat at 3AM. Not even watching Sports Time Ohio when there's not a game on can get you back to sleep after you see that sort of image. Yikes.
Anyhow, the whole thing, covered breathlessly by Cleveland's press corps, happily spewing out their first Browns stories in a month, sounds like something out of Macon County Line IV.
Mr. Wright apparently kicked off last night's festivities by (allegedly) causing some sort of undetermined ruckus in the Pearland, Texas Police Department parking lot. This is not a good idea, which gets worse when you've got a baggie full of grass in your car (allegedly).
And it's really, really not a good idea if you're a Cleveland Browns defensive back (allegedly).
While a pro football player getting into an off-season scrape that involves local police and a small amount of recreationally useful plants isn't anything new, as a football fan, the most alarming part of the story to me is that Wright fled on foot and was caught.
We don't know the details, but as a season ticket holder, I'm not sure I feel better about my investment in expensive ducats when I'm aware that our elite professional cornerback's blistering speed and highly-trained athletic ability was one-upped by Enos Strate and Roscoe Coltrane*.
The good news for the Browns and the bad news for the much-traveled Wright is that he's a bottom-of-the-roster player whose signing confused the heck out of us about this time last year. After the signing, Wright's primary impact was to allow Romeo Crennel to pretend that rookie Eric Wright wasn't the starter for a few days and later to miss an October game for undisclosed personal reasons.
So, expect Mr. Wright to be quickly and quietly jettisoned off Starship Savage at the next convenient singularity. And this story will end, and we'll get back to worrying about football.
* I know I'm not being fair or accurate, and am perpetuating ludicrously inaccurate stereotypes of dedicated and professional law enforcement officials in the Land o' Dixie. But I've been waiting for years to use this picture. Years. You can complain here. Thanks.