All those Tuesdays the Browns spent trying out potential practice squad players are really going to pay off now.
The team has five roster spots to fill as Courtney Brown, Phil Dawson, James Jackson, Chad Beasley, and Lewis Sanders were all placed on the IR this afternoon by the Browns.
Brown was having the best season of his career, as he recuperated from microfracture surgery. His injury is not related to that procedure, as he ruptured his right bicep tendon (i.e., was "Verba-fied") during Monday night's loss to the Rams. Brown is currently the runaway leader in Bernie's Insiders Gameballs and Goats voting for team MVP.
Phil "The Human Battering Ram" Dawson was injured while running to make a tackle on Monday night. Dawson, perhaps the NFL's hardest hitter since Lawrence Taylor, fractured his left arm on the special teams play. There's no telling how many Rams players were wounded by whatever brought down Dawson. Although I haven't watched the game again on Tivo, the only things I know that could injure tHBM would be either a meteor or a fast-moving bus.
With two players falling due to arm injuries, the team was able to balance the wounds anatomically by placing Beasley onto the IR with a fractured right ankle and Jackson with a "torn posterior cruciate ligament" in his right knee. Presumably, we will hear during the upcoming press conference with regards to whether or not the "posterior cruciate ligament" is weight-bearing and/or very, very tiny. All I know is that it sounds like the punchline to a dirty joke told in Latin.
Finally, Lewis Sanders was placed on the IR due to a nagging groin injury which doctors felt would heal better if he was shutdown completely.
Today's dramatic gesture should get us fully into a mode resembling the infamous 2000 season, where the team played Kevin Johnson and others at quarterback in a memorable quarter against the Philadelpha Eagles. Still, the team is better shape than the Bengals, who will starting ex-Brown OL Scott Rehberg at offensive tackle this weekend. Rumors that Jon Kitna has subsequently retired from football prior to this weekend's game for the Bengals have not been confirmed.
If this moribund injury-filled season is getting you down, as it is me, just remember that our draft position is improving by the minute, and that Enoch Demar fans (who are legion) will finally see their player get a starting assignment. He'll be filling in for Chad Beasley. Who was filling in for Barry Stokes. Who was filling in for Ross Verba. Who should really be a guard anyway.
Since this season is winding down, I'm also being placed on the IR and will be replaced by an arthritic chimp and a Speak and Spell. More details on that later.