Art's Game Preview
Line: Ratbirds by 2
Here's what matters: The Ratbirds Suck.
There's nothing remotely likeable about this team. Shockingly, I know a number
of Rat fans, and they're a decent lot, if a bit mentally scarred by the burden
of rationalizing team-swiping.
The team they follow, however, is the most despicable bunch ever to waddle onto
an NFL field. Despite a one-off Super Bowl championship led by Ray Lewis and the
late-hit posse, and featuring the most inept offense ever to ride coattails to
the Lombardi, the team's history has been one of almost-laughable failure and
ineptitude. The only thing the team really has going for them, now that Marvin Lewis has found even Washington and the Nati preferable (how embarrassing), is
Ozzie Newsome's canny leadership as GM, and Phil Savage's excellent ability to
spot talent.
The remainder of the Baltimore Ratbirds maintain an almost legendary pomposity.
Brian Billick's head is the size of a watermelon due to the chronic effects of
self-adoration, Ray Lewis wants running backs to "fear" him despite his
propensity for wearing poofy feathery boas, and now we have Jamal Lewis babbling
on about setting an NFL rushing record.
These guys need to be slapped around. Bad.
The Browns have done very well against the Ratbirds in recent years, sweeping
them in 2001 and splitting with them in 2002 (almost coming back to beat them in
the first game).
I expect Butch Davis to extend his record against the Rats to 4-1 today,
primarily due to the Browns superiority at the quarterback position.
Kyle Boller has a couple of things working against him. First off all, he looks
more impressive in workouts than on the field. He had less than a 50% completion
percentage at Cal, and looked confused in the first game against the Steelers -
a team Kelly Holcomb shredded for over 400 yards last time we looked. The Browns
do a lot of movement on the line, which should befuddle Boller some more. In
addition, he has Brian "The Quarterback Guru" Billick constantly telling him
what he needs to do to improve, which will likely result in Boller's head
exploding by Week 10.
Look for Kelly Holcomb to adapt to the Cover-2 he saw employed against him by
the Colts. Holcomb is bright, over his his first-start jitters, and has too
talented a receiver corps to repeat last week's performance.
There are two things that concern me: One is the aforementioned Lewis, who will
set an NFL rushing record against us. Oh wait, that's his opinion and he's
clearly a dolt.
Still, Lewis will present a handful for the Browns, but I look for him to finish
with just over 100 yards today. My bigger concern is actually Todd Heap, who
will be matched up against linebackers most of the day, and should be effective
if Boller has time to throw him the ball. If the Browns can keep an eye on Heap
enough to neutralize him and get some three-and-outs, this game should be
winnable.
As you will read in this week's magazine column, I'm giving up trying to predict
NFL games. But I'm looking forward to a terrific match-up today. GO BROWNS!!!
- AB