It's Memorial Day weekend, a traditional time of dead air when it comes to Browns and NFL News. Other than the Fourth of July weekend, it might be the slowest time of the year.
That doesn't stop the media and sorta-media from publishing all sorts of Browns-related stuff over the weekend.
So, in our never-ending quest to publish dubious news items while simultaneously attempting to hold ourselves above such tripe, we proudly present to you:
THIS WEEKEND IN NON-NEWS
ITEM: Channing Crowder explains that Cleveland is not the "an*s of America"
MEDIA RATIONALE: "He's an ex-football player and it's about Cleveland, darn it, so it's sorta Cleveland football. Yeah."
DOWNSIDE: Giving media time to a blockhead.
Reacting to Charles Barkley's comments late last week that Heat fans are "not real fans" and that LeBron should return home, one-time mediocre Dolphins linebacker Channing Crowder proclaimed Cleveland the "an*s of America" in a rant designed to stir things up on local radio. Crowder also called Cleveland "nasty, dirty, ugly, little", the women of the town as indistinguishable from the men, and that the fans in the town are "little hemorrhoids".
Not surprisingly, Cleveland sports fans objected to Crowder's central metaphor and other comments, unleashing hell on Crowder via the normal route of mangling his Wikipedia entry.
Perhaps dimly cognizant of stories in his youth about what happened to NFL fax machines and other operational components when Art Modell absconded with our football franchise, Crowder slowly appeared to gain understanding that what he did was "wrong" and even, well, "stupid".
Naturally, he then turned to the 21st Century's designated home for mea culpas, apologies, and pleading: Twitter.
I would like to apologize to Cleveland for my comments. Tryin to defend MIA and throw in a failed attempt at humor at the same time.— Channing Crowder (@OfficialCrowder) May 25, 2014
I have no problem with Cleveland. I got tired of folks talkin bad about Heat Fans and responded while tryin to joke and get a little rise.— Channing Crowder (@OfficialCrowder) May 25, 2014
There, he's apologized, so don't torment him, OK?
ITEM: Johnny Football goes to Vegas
MEDIA RATIONALE: "It's Johnny Football, so, we'll cover it. "
DOWNSIDE: Turning sports websites into TMZ.
Johnny Manziel went to Vegas, took in a UFC fight, and posed for some pictures. That's it.
That's really, really it.
I don't always ask for pictures, but when I do, it's so I can do this. pic.twitter.com/kWZxv9G77V— Elika Sadeghi (@steakNstiffarms) May 25, 2014
So, there you go. A news story.
Someone notify the Pulitzer committee.